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How do people learn about sex?

I am not talking about philopian tubes, ovaries, and testicles or, as sex educator Sue Johanson puts it, the plumbing of sex. I am talking about sex education, the real thing: methods of foreplay how to find the g-spot, how to prevent impotence, is tantric sex for real, how do I spice up my sex life after five years of marriage...

Like most people, I learned about sex from friends who told me wild tales from the society pages of Playboy and Penthouse. How man people listened to the Sunday Night Sex Show on the radio with the volume on one so no one would know? And how many (yes, I'm talking to you) discovered The Joy of Sex in Daddy's bedside table and read it from cover to cover only to read it again, and again? Hey, advertisers keep saying that women are always interested in well-educated men, right?

Sex columns appear in tabloids across the globe, usually on the last page among ads for tingling panties, European condoms and the guy with the term-paper blues-- a treat after reading the so-called real articles. Week after week, people turn to these columns. Why? Is it really to learn about sex and receive real advice, or is it to titillate the mind with voyeuristic samples from unknown people? Do people sincerely subscribe to the advice given, and if so, do the qualifications of the writer matter or is it the style and presentation of the columnist that drives the reader?

Syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage, creator of Savage Love and Savage Family Advice (written with his mother Judy Sobiesk) describes the typical process involved with a sex column. "Troubled/bemused/perplexed person submits deeply personal/embarrassingly revealing/totally humiliating question, and wise/tolerant/benevolent advice columnist writes remarkably insightful/slightly amusing/completely unambiguous answer for all to read/appreciate/marvel at."

Technically, anyone can be a sex educator. The American Association of Sex Educators, Councilors and Therapists (AASECT), founded in 1967, is a not-for-profit professional organization set up to promote an understanding of sexuality. According to their criteria, a qualified sex educator must have at least a bachelors degree and 4 years of educational experience (4000 hours), as well as 90 hours of education in areas such as sexual and reproductive anatomy/physiology, socioculture factors and abuse.

The majority of sex advisors in newspapers and magazines do not fall into this category; however, most consider themselves sex educators. "I immediately say no [to being called a sex educator] because my education was not in sex ed," says Sasha, a sex columnist whose column Love Bites has appeared in The Montreal Mirror and other weekly papers for more than five years. "However, I do answer sex questions and bring in educated sources and I consider it an open discussion so I guess I am. But I also don't believe that just because you're a nurse you know everything about sex. It doesn't automatically make you an expert."

Sexologist Sue Johanson does consider herself a qualified expert on sex. Her radio show The Sunday Night Sex Show began in 1975 and still runs today. Before this she was a nurse in the horny hollow of Konora, Ontario, and grappled with the fact that people did not have anywhere to go to receive sex advice and information. "There's some people who believe you will learn everything you need to know about sex from your husband," says Sue with a smirk. "When I was in school, I was told condoms had to have holes punched into them to give sperm a chance."

Johanson's goal has always been to get people talking about sex in a less serious manner. "I realized all these kids were having sex and the only educating offered to them had to do with philopian tubes, this is not what they need to know."

Questions have changed since 1975. "Kids are involved with sex at an earlier age," she says. "The question teens ask me most often is how to perform good oral sex without throwing up. In the past, you were married for six years before you ever thought about it."

Receiving explicit letters from complete strangers does not amaze Sasha. What bothers her is the desperation some people experience. "It depresses me when people aren't getting laid and they're trying so hard," she says. "They don't seem to realize that so many people are in the same boat. Our culture places such a premium on being "The Laid'."

The current fixation Sasha is experiencing are questions about anal sex, with most of the letters coming from straight couples. The types of questions people ask have changed over the last five years, especially from teenagers. "Everybody was threesome mad a few years back, now like I said it's an anal frenzy. I've been getting a lot of questions from women (teens) who feel they can't come lately though a lot. Girls wonder what is wrong with them, boys wonder what's wrong with the girls. But they're insecure, too. And really shy."

What bothers Sasha is when people think because she writes about sex she is willing to go to bed with anyone. "Men still believe that a sexually educated woman is a sexually available woman," says Sasha. "I'm not afraid of being perceived as sexually available, but I do have my standards and if I was to fuck these men, you bet your ass I'd be charging for their stupid time."

Are these people for real? It does not really matter to Sasha. "I've always said there's an answer to anything, even bullshit," says Sasha.

"Idiots who make up letters thinking they're being outrageous find that there is actually a fetish like the one they describe and I cheerfully give out the appropriate information."

So has Sasha ever written to a sex columnist for advice? "No…,but that gives me a good idea."